Season 24 High Rollers Report – [Editor’s Note: Each season I handpick one of the veterans to write the High Rollers Report. The report is a breakdown of the individual match-ups on Super Saturday and its sole purpose is to provide a little entertainment the day before. If he/she takes shots or jabs at you it means they like you, it’s all in good fun. As always, the guest writer has been granted anonymity. So without further ado, I bring to you the Season 24 High Rollers Report.]
The time has come for the 24th edition of the High Rollers Report! What a summer it’s been so far – We say it every Skeeson [Editor’s Note: I say it, not you] – “Anything can happen in the HRT.” But is that that [Editor’s Note: I’m clearly going to have to read this entire write-up just to edit it] really true?
He[re]’s what we know for sure:
- Lindsay and/or Steph will make a deep run
- Eric will lose early and pretend not to care (only the team chalice counts!)
- The Glasner’s got some TOUGH draws (Ben and Pat HAHA)
- Everett is still scared, he won’t play to guarantee he can’t lose [Editor’s Note: he’s not allowed to play for the record]
- Duke will try to heckle Rob
- Justin will dance and interfere no matter what
- Ben will be watching the championship match from the sidelines [Editor’s Note: shot’s fired early!]
Ben’s Bracket #1 Seed
Bracket Sleeper – Marissa Bias
After a successful Skeeson 23 on Andrews back Marissa is looking to continue her climb up the solo ladder. This year she is in a unique situation for HRT! Having Ben to teach her the fine art of rolling a skeeball…but would meet her in the sweet sixteen if all goes well. Given Ben’s track record in HRT it wouldn’t surprise me if Marissa becomes the Cinderella story of 2019 and shows Ben who wears the pants! [Editor’s Note: ouch]
Bracket Upset – #56 Polischuk def. #9 Mike Foxon
Foxon is typically an elite roller but I have heard rumblings that he may not be able to make Super Saturday. Some are speculating that this is due to tainted beef jerky gifted to him by Polischuk but I think he is flat out scared of the heckling that John would unleash.
Side note: Even though Mike won’t be there, I’m still not convinced Polischoke finds a way to advance [Editor’s Note: lol]
Lost but Not Forgotten – Robo
For those of you keeping score at home…Robo has a few of these HRT trophies laying around so don’t sleep on this guy. Currently he is the 24th seed but you can never count out a proven champion on his favorite day of the Skeeson. PER SOURCES: His lucky charm Kim is rumored to be showing up to watch a special someone compete at Super Saturday…if this happen’s I wouldn’t want to face Robo in HRT.
Potential Matches to Watch – #1 Ben vs #8 Andrew
Some thought after Andrew spanked Ben in Skeeson 23 things would never be the same, that Ben would come back a shell of his former self. That wasn’t the case, Ben reclaimed the MVSkee for Skeeson 24 and I foresee a blockbuster matchup in the near future between two all time greats for a trip to the final four and a shot at Skeeball supremacy.
Side Note: Are Max’s bags packed yet? Possibly facing Andrew in the second round = have a safe flight! [Editor’s Note: more shots!]
Bracket Winner – Andrew Costello
History has shown that Ben is all smoke, no fire [Editor’s Note: One that’s my line and two Rob is all smoke, no fire]. Without a chalice or HRT trophy on his resume some question if Fountain is even Skee Hall of Fame material [Editor’s Note: spoiler alert… he isn’t YET]. Think Philip Rivers, great regular season player but poops his pants when the lights go on. For these reasons, Andrew comes out of formerly “Ben’s” bracket with ease. On to the Final Four for Andrew.
Pat’s Bracket #2 Seed
Bracket Sleepers – Diana Perkins + Kim Lutzke
FUN FACT: When Diana isn’t playing pool she can be found hammering 900’s at TGB. If you are capable of a perfect game you are automatically in the conversation of winning it all. Could Diana break through and be the first female to win the HRT!?
For those of you who don’t know Kim, she’s the one SMASHING hundos! She finished with 138 total and finished 7th overall in that stat. With the format of HRT and Kim’s ability to consistently hit those 100’s she has the tools to take down Pat.
Mom to be – #42 Liz Wong
Jan….DON’T MESS WITH PREGNANT WOMEN! Best of luck with the new baby and HRT 😊
Potential Match to Watch – #10 Christine Snively (favorite) vs #7 Eric Siegel (Underdog)
When you hear Eric’s name, you typically don’t think champion. You think of a guy who has a wife that is really good at Skeeball!!! [Editor’s Note: of man this is amazing] With only three 40 streaks to his name this season I would say it’s time to muster up enough strength and try to reach the 50 [Editor’s Note: I’ve been telling him this for years].
Now, when you hear the name SNIVELY you think of a competitor who has perfected the 40 roll. She has continuously got better each year and this Saturday could be the breakthrough where she captures an HRT title.
Side Note: When I first looked at the year-end stat’s I saw NINE 40 streaks!!! Hats off, very impressive Christine
Bracket Upsets – #39 Alex Carr def. #7 Eric Siegel
I know I just had Eric in the potential match to watch but I just can’t get behind his inconsistencies. That combined with Alex’s strong finish to the Skeeson is why I can see the 7 seed packing up early and getting a front row seat to watch Lindsey compete.
Bracket Winner – Pat
Pat is one of those guys who quietly goes about his business. An absolute God up the middle and has consistently shown that only the best of the best can beat him. You better pray this guy isn’t on lane 2 against you! On to the Final Four for Patty.
Rob’s Bracket #3 Seed
Bracket Sleeper – John Dawson
When you look at Rob’s bracket you have to first say to yourself – “It’s loaded with the most talent”. Devin, Mike, Brian, Rob, Chuck all have what it takes to be a top dog and win the HRT [Editor’s Note: whoa]. One person I didn’t mention was Big Daddy Dawson. Over the last 3 weeks Dawson has thrown some really bad scores accompanied with some epic temper tantrums BUT if he can avoid Lane 1 for the entire Saturday I see no reason JD can’t prove everyone wrong and return to Skee Royalty.
Side note: Tough draw for Devin, not having Polischuk as a warmup round 1 and would have to face Dawson in round 2. Depending on the lane draw will Dawson be Bruce Banner or The Hulk.
Bracket Upset – # 19 Chuck def. #14 Brian
So many good matchups in this bracket but I am looking forward to watching Chuck and Brian battle this out. Brian is a notoriously good competitor and has multiple HRT titles but Chuck dropped SEVEN combos this year to claim the combo title (Over Robo and Justin). For this reason I have Chuck over Brian in a game 3 upset.
Potential Match to Watch – #11 Mike Selbovitz vs #22 Justin Arsenault
When I look at this bracket the first potential matchup that caught my eye was Mike vs Justin in round 2. Some of you may remember Mike, he was once a top roller but since marriage he hasn’t been able to find consistency week in, week out. Mike has blamed his poor average is the result of “not getting lane 2” but I can feel a couple lucky ping pong balls and spark inside him ready to come out this Saturday. Can he get out of Steph’s shadow and make his own name? Only time will tell …
If you look online, Vegas has better odds of Kim showing up to sing the National Anthem than Justin has at making a deep run in the HRT. This kid is an all timer though, personality, brains, looks, dance moves and I’m sure he’s told you ALL by now…He’s single. With that said, Justin has been very HOT as of late and the combination of Saturday, booze, music and an open dance floor has been known to create a magical environment for Justin. Stay out of his way while he robot dances his way to the Elite 8 with a hard-fought win over Mike on LANE 3!
Bracket Winner – Rob
Rob is coming off a final four appearance in last years HRT and has been seen chugging Dos Equis and Jack Daniels in preparation for this Skeesons HRT. I see the fire in his eyes, this year he is out for blood. On to the Final Four for Rob. [Editor’s Note: I think Rob goes out early and the crowd celebrates. It’s tough to repeat a run like that that ends with a lose.]
Steve’s Bracket #4 Seed
Baby Back Bitch Award – Everett Phillips
NEWS ALERT: We have heard for a long time now that Everett is the self-proclaimed Goat of Skeeball, “I have so many HRT’s its not fair” blah blah blah. News flash, you and Duke aren’t that good … step up and compete this year wimp. [Editor’s Note: I’ve never played in the HRT and never will so give it up. $100 a game, race to 5 anytime kiddo. All smoke, no fire.]
Bracket Sleeper – #20 Jerry Glendye
A wise man once told me to “stay the course”. With Jerry flying high on the weed but under the Skee radar it wouldn’t surprise me if Jerry continued to add to his long resume of Skeeball dominance. Look for Jerry to make a long run or have it ended abruptly in the second round against the Queen of Skee, Steph Burgess.
Bracket Upset – #36 Mike Grato def. #4 Steve Robinson
If Mike Grato stays hot and Steve blacks out we could see a run from Mike. Steve has lost a step or two over this season due to the gigantic dead weight (Justin) he has been carrying on his back. Will fatigue set in and deliver the final blow or does Steve have enough new Dad strength left to win the HRT?
Potential Match to Watch – #12 Lindsey vs #21 Mike Moody
Can Lindsey be the first female to win the HRT? Will she venture to the 50s? Lindsay had a disappointing loss in the finals of last years HRT so we all know she has the capability to make a deep run. Looking at the road in front of her though…. Mike Moody, Gulp. Moody has been seen practicing at TGB during the week so be prepared for him to come in well prepared, ready for blood.
Side Note: With Eric knocked out at this point playing water boy for Lindsey, she will be well hydrated and ready to make some noise. Look for Lindsey to advance in a battle.
Bracket Winner – Stephanie Burgess (not Selbovitz)
Steph is widely considered a Skeeball OG and one of the first to dominate the Boston Skeeball scene. First Ballot hall of famer Steph Burgess walks her way into the final 4 for a chance to become the first female to ever win the HRT. With her hubby Michael getting the early bounce by Justin, him and Eric can root their wives on together.
–FINAL FOUR-
#13 STEPH VS #8 ANDREW
With both top seeds gone from the left side I foresee a rematch of the ages between Steph and Andrew. Rumor has it that the cut still hasn’t healed from the fundraiser tournament but Steph is looking for vengeance on the former MVSkee. Steph’s HRT resume is loaded with great performances but has never won the trophy. Look for Steph to come out firing and send Andrew to the losers lounge to hang with Duke [Editor’s Note: because I already lost at what? You are too scared to bet on anything. All smoke, no fire].
#2 PAT VS #3 ROB
Old school legend VS New School [Editor’s Note: new school rookie who will be long gone by this point], this one has the makings to produce fireworks and lots of energy. Rob starts out with a flurry of 50s, but Pat, fueled by his inability to live down losing to Rob, rides the waves of the Narragansett to an extra-frame victory. He then treats the crowd to the “Justin” dance aka a creeping praying mantis move that no one wants to take any credit for inventing. Patty moving on to the finals. [Editor’s Note: at least you know your fate.]
–FINALS-
#13 STEPH VS #2 PAT
Former skee partners. Their love of Dionne. Their love that Rob is out. Gold on the line. But unless there’s a plethora of Beyonce or Lizzo on the soundtrack, Pat completes the tourney and wins another (long time coming?) HRT. Gansett flows in the streets for celebration.
Can’t wait to skee you all this Saturday. If you don’t know who I am…. I’ll be the one holding the HRT trophy [Editor’s Note: everyone knows who you are Eli]. Good luck to all!