Could this be the skeeson of the underdogs? Let’s see some fresh faces in the final brackets and imagine some major upsets.
To make it fair to the rest of us, this ghost writer thinks Andrew should have to roll with a hula hoop. Have you seen his stride? That hip roll has served him well but let’s give the rollers a chance by giving him an amusing handicap (perhaps an 11th frame next skeeson…). With this leveled playing field, the path is clear for Tanner to make it to quarter-finals and go up against not one but TWO rollers with Marissa+tiny human.
How did we get to a Marissa-Tanner match-up? Well, after the great triumph of last skeeson with his first team trophy, Steve will experience an unfortunate but humble fall from grace, losing to Marissa after defeating Abby, who will be sporting some appropriately athletic specs having worn colorful ones all skeeson but taking Super Saturday to the next level of serious play.
In quarterfinals, Marissa’s stride will be broken by frequent bathroom trips given that tiny human sitting on her bladder and Tanner will use this to her advantage, progressing to semi-finals.
How did Heather make it from the pickleball court to the semi-final match up? All she had to do was show up half-way through the tournament and use her beginner’s luck to roll two games in record time, crush the competition and then make eye contact with Pat which is enough to send him heading for the hills. Heather wins by default and Pat gets another ‘gansett. But he won’t be at the bar alone.
On the other side of the bracket, even this specter can’t imagine a world where Ben isn’t in the quarter-finals where he’ll battle southpaw Robo. Representing lefties everywhere, Robo will take it to semi-finals where he’ll face Salvucci in a surprise match-up for the ages.
Butters will have a short-lived triumph before Dawson crushes his dreams a la week 6’s 11th frame. Dawson will have to find the delicate balance of enough drinks at 10am to get his team to finals without being too far gone for the HRT, a balance he has yet to find in his 10+ years of Super Saturdays.
She doesn’t love the drama, it loves Skal-ducci and she’ll be the antihero to some as she sends Dawon packing back to Skal to lick his wounds (does this count as insider trading, sending people to her bf’s place of business in a vulnerable state to drink away their sorrows?). Even if this prediction proves untrue, don’t listen to Crosby, no one can prevent drunk Dawsons. Dawson will join Pat at the bar and team Limp Wristit will console each other into the early morning hours.
This brings us to our final match-up and in case you are one of the few who claims to not watch women’s sports and are asking yourself “who runs the lane?”. Girls. Tanner vs. Christina in the final round will end with the league entering the Skal-vucci Era. With her EPIC 900 roll this skeeson and the power of T.Swift in her corner, Christina will f* the patriarchy and collect an HRT trophy with a score of 1989.