[Editor’s Note: Each season I handpick one of the veterans to write the High Rollers Report. The report is a breakdown of the individual match-ups on Super Saturday and its sole purpose is to provide a little entertainment the day before. If he/she takes shots or jabs at you it means they like you, it’s all in good fun. But much like the past couple of seasons, Duke is in a corner drinking a beer and I will be leaving the notes. As always, the guest writer has been granted anonymity. So without further ado, I bring to you the Season 25 High Rollers Report.]
And just like that, another skeeson is virtually in the books. Super Saturday is upon us. Who will take home the coveted HRT trophy? It was a whacky regular skeeson, minus Ben cruising to another MVSkee. Some great rollers struggled, while others started hot and faded. Will we have one of the old guard adding more hardware, or will we have a first timer? We know there will be upsets. We know too many shots will be poured. We know Rob will be talking trash and not backing it up [Ed. Note: As Duke would say, “All Smoke, No Fire”] Over/under on number of Thomas’ wearing sweatpants is currently set at 1.5 and climbing. We know there will be girls making deep runs. And we know someone is walking away with a huge knot added to his or her belt. But who is that person going to be? I’ll tell you who!
Ben’s Bracket (Top Left)
Match to Watch – #24 Jan v. #41 Lindsay
I mean Lindsay must be playing possum, right? At least we now know for sure that she’s human. I had to quadruple check that I had it right at #41. [It’s been a baaaaad season for Linds] Clearly, she misses her BFFL Christine. Making a career out of deep HRT runs, Lindsay is going to have to step it up to keep that streak going. The winner of this matchup more than likely will get Chuck (sorry Alex) in the next round, so there can be no letting up. This one goes 3 rounds and depends on the lane draw. I think Jan does just enough to hold on.
Sleeper – Christine
Not much of a ‘sleeper’ but at #16 she somewhat qualifies. Going to have to get by Katie, but if she can get some momentum going, she can tuck Chuck and whoever else stands in her way into bed early. Nighty night! [The Wagner/Grewe matchup also has sleeper potential]
Elite 8 Matchup – Ben v. Foxon
Bracket Winner – Mike Foxon
Ben is the obvious favorite in the bracket but ask Andrew how hard it is to keep it together after taking 123197398 shots, which is what Ben will be doing throughout the day. A stiff breeze almost knocked him over. Shots for winning the Chalice, shots for MVSKee, shots for Hundos, and it goes on and on and on. [Ed. Note: Forgetting the congratulatory doubles I was handing him.] Almost impossible to get the job done when you’re 99.999% in the bag by 2 PM. Foxon has no weakness. He’s a shorter, friendlier, less intimidating version of Ivan Drago, but just as ruthless. He can crush hundos, crush up the middle, and crush your dreams. He’ll be a freight train come Saturday. Get out of the man’s way! [Not chalk, I’ll take it.]
Dan’s Bracket (Bottom Left)
Match to Watch – #29 Mike Moody v. #36 Danielle Gautier
In what should be a great matchup, we have defending HRT champ Moody squaring off against Danielle, who although limped into the playoffs, has turned it back on. The celebration when Moody won last skeeson was an awesome moment, but can he block out those emotions and get back to business? Danielle will be hot coming off her chalice performance and pulls the upset.
Sleeper – Alex Green
This kid is like 1999 Steve Blackman (WWF). A quiet assassin. All business. You remember nothing about playing him, except that you lost. You remember doing rock-paper-scissors, then the next thing you know, you’re half way done with your draft beer sitting on a bar stool with your head in your hands. Tough draw for Colin, but his great rookie skeeson ends here. [Great comparison. Grato & Salvucci make
Elite 8 Matchup – Dan v. Alex
Bracket Winner – Dan Wohleber
Dan and Alex square off in the Elite 8, but Dan’s experience gives him just enough of an edge to pull this one out in a tiebreaker frame. Dan is fresh off a great skeeson. I’m too lazy to go back and check, but I’m pretty sure 4th is the highest he’s finished? Solid stuff. [Also picking the top person in the bracket is lazy. COME ON.]
Rob’s Bracket (Top Right)
First off, let me say that it pains me to call it “Rob’s Bracket.” This bracket is deep to say the least. The Thomas brothers, Robo, Pagnotta, Marissa, Brian, and a handful of others who can make serious noise. Whoever comes out of this bracket is going to really earn it. Semi praying for a second round “Battle of the Sweatpants” between the Thomas brothers. Steve, let him have this one will you? I mean you can’t beat him every time, or can you? [Yes….yes he can.]
Match to Watch – #31 Steve Thomas v. #34 Mike Dolot
A battle between a couple young studs vying to make a name for themselves. Both are capable of some elite frames, and this one should go the distance. Dolot has proven to be a TAD better of a middle roller, and that can be a big advantage come HRT. Dolot squeaks by!
Sleeper – Mike Pagnotta
Nothing earth shattering here. Mike is a beast, and always saves his big performances for the big games. If he can get out of the gate hot, he can bulldoze his way through the bracket. [Anyone that rolled a 500 can never qualify as a sleeper.]
Elite 8 Matchup – Rob v. Brian
Bracket Winner – Brian Aldridge
In case it wasn’t obvious enough, Brian is ‘back.” Coming off a very consistent skeeson, he’s looking to add even more hardware to his HRT trophy collection. Rumor has it he doesn’t have a concert to go to right after Super Saturday this time. If Brian gets by, I could see him spending the night coming up with a clever hashtag to depict his victory. [#RobSucks] He might have to dodge a former teammate down the line, but Rob will have his veins fueled with Jack Daniels, and well, that never ends well.
Pat’s Bracket aka the Death Bracket (Bottom Right)
GOOD LORD is this bracket loaded. I mean LOOOOOOOOADED. It’s so loaded it should win the SMASHY AWARD. There’s Pat (obviously), Pinball, Dawson, Burgess, Selbovitz, Kyle Sherry, and Magno just to name some of the heavyweights. Add in bracket busters like Jen Tanner, Kim Lutzke to name a few, and this bracket is WIDE OPEN. If you aren’t red hot, you ain’t making it out alive. [GW is not wrong!]
Match to Watch – #30 Kim Lutzke v. #35 Jen Tanner
A couple girls who aren’t intimidated and can crush hundos. Should be a great match. Kim’s week 8 440 (yes you read that right, 440) gives her major momentum into the HRT and she pulls out the victory.
Sleeper – Kim Lutzke
Building off what’s above, she could get Patty in the second round. Normally that would spell immediate doom, but if Patty isn’t over his team getting dismantled in the first round of the playoffs only 2 days earlier, Kim could ride the wave of his Narragansett tears right into the Sweet 16.
Elite 8 Matchup – Steve v. Cory
Bracket Winner – Steve Robinson
Steve is flying under the radar as much as someone like Steve can. How many chalices does he have? 2? 3? 4? 5? I’ve lost count. If the beer hits his liver and his brain at juuuuuuuust the right time, he’ll be primed to run the gauntlet and make it out of the Death Bracket. [First Brian, now Steve? My GOD this might be worse than going chalk]
Final Four
Foxon v. Wohleber
This one has the makings of a classic. If they can play the match before Dan gets too wasted, he’s got a great shot. But since the HRT never starts on time…..Foxon it is! Saying it will come down to the last ball is too cliché, so I’ll say it comes down to the 8th ball and that’s when Foxon advances.
Aldridge v. Robinson
Time will have no affect on this one, because if things are way behind both guys might fall asleep and time out all their rolls. What happens in that case? Could be a skeeball first! (This is Rob’s best chance of winning.) For real though, Brian and Steve duel it out in epic fashion. Whoever goes last will win it. I’ll put my money on Steve. With only miniscule amounts of pressure on him to not go 0 for 250 for the team chalice, he will be focused and throw his name back in to the ring of elites, where he (and Brian) have really never left.
Finals
Foxon v. Robinson
It’ll be an epic battle, but I just don’t see anyone taking down Mike Foxon this Saturday. They say age is just a number, but Steven is getting old. Not sure he has the stamina to last all the way to the end (that’s what she said.) Pull #8 in the drawing and you’ve won yourself a free bar tab. Foxon is your winner. There you have it folks, you can take it to the bank. (Seriously, don’t though.)
Until Skeeson 26!