Season 23 High Rollers Report – [Editor’s Note: Each season I handpick one of the veterans to write the High Rollers Report. The report is a breakdown of the individual match-ups on Super Saturday and its sole purpose is to provide a little entertainment the day before. If he/she takes shots or jabs at you it means they like you, it’s all in good fun. As always, the guest writer has been granted anonymity. So without further ado, I bring to you the Season 23 High Rollers Report.]
The time has come for our version of March Madness! What a skeeson it’s been so far – Andrew dethroned Ben, Mike Haskins setting *Rookskee records, and Justin beating Rob in **everything (everything = most dance moves and Dos Equis drank) are just a few of the many highlights from the past 8 weeks. But as we know, NONE of this matters come the HRT. Individual season rankings mean nothing. Team accomplishments, or lack there of, mean nothing. It’s about 3 things…..
1) Hoping your opponent underachieves big time (Mike Selbovitz week 8 anyone?)
2) Hoping your opponent isn’t absolutely unconscious ON FIRE.
3) Being the perfect level of drunk. [Editor’s Note: Facts! I can already tell the Season 23 High Rollers Report is going to be fire!]
If these things go your way, you just may end up taking home the trophy. Now it’s time for the picks…
Andrew’s Bracket
Match to Watch – #24 Robo vs #42 Kori
What Robo are we going to get? Regular season Robo? Blacked out drunk HRT Robo? The latter is the better obviously. Kori is capable of pulling the upset, especially on lane 2, but if things are running behind like usual then Robo has more time to get after it and then we’re all doomed.
Bracket Sleeper – Danny Grewe
Andrew has had an all-world skeeson, but can he bring the fire against his teammate? Is he too nice of a guy to do it? This one I’m pegging as a true coin flip. The winner of this match-up will take the bracket!
Bracket Upset – #49 Jill def. #16 Jerry
Jerry has struggled recently in the HRT and Jill will seize the opportunity, sending Jerry to an earlier than scheduled “Jerry walk.”
Bracket Winner – Andrew Costello
IF IF IF Andrew can get by Danny Grewe then he will get a shot at redeption against Steph Burgess in the Elite 8. Steph is coming in HOT off a 485 week 8. Mike’s recent HRT runs comes to an end, as she’ll work her way past her lesser half to battle it out with Andrew. This time though Andrew avenges a previous HRT heartbreaker and pulls it out in the tiebreaker frame. On to the Final Four for Andrew. [Editor’s Note: Andrew is the hottest roller in the league.]
Steve’s Bracket
Match to Watch – #29 Christine Snively vs #36 Christina Salvucci
Both of these girls crushed it weeks 7 and 8, with Christine rolling a 425 and 373, and Christina a 403 and 422. Something has to give here. Can the 40-streak co-champ fend off Christina’s knack for timely hundos?
Bracket Sleeper – Christine
If Pinball gets too drunk too early (that’s never happened, right?), Christine can pull the upset and make a deep run.
Bracket Upset – #53 Danielle def. #12 Max
Max has to cool off at some point. [Editor’s Note: Playoff Max!]
Bracket Winner – Lindsay
Steve will be too depressed from Thursday night [Editor’s Note: poor Steve] to put his heart in it, and might not escape the girls in the second round. Lindsay is no stranger to making deep runs, and this time won’t have to feel guilty about taking Eric out on her through. Lindsay gets locked in and has a great path to take the bracket. On to the Final Four for Lindsay.
Pat’s Bracket
Match to Watch – #18 Eric Siegel vs #15 Mike Foxon
This is a second round match-up, but it should be a goodie. Mr. “All I Need is One Mike” vs….. Mike. The irony will turn Eric’s brain into a pretzel and he won’t be able to recover. Foxon in the tie breaker round. [Editor’s Note: Eric always shows up in the HRT]
Bracket Sleeper – Kyle Mack
Marissa will be too focused on Super Saturday team playoffs, and If Kyle can squeak out a win in the first round and build some momentum, he has a legit chance to make a run. Always flies under the radar but a consistent roller.
Bracket Upset – #26 Jan def. #7 Devin
Devin finally gets a pass on playing Polischuk in the opening round, but Jan is in good form and will make it rain enough hundos to advance. Tie breaker frame will come into play, but Jan pulls out the victory.
Bracket Winner – Pat
This bracket is Pat’s to lose. He’s been a machine, and will be coming in to the day with something to prove [Editor’s Note: Rob woke up the bear]. As long as he doesn’t get too blacked out, no one should stand in his way. Maybe Justin will accidentally dance in Pat’s line of vision providing an understandable distraction that he can’t recover from? Barring that, it’s On to the Final Four for Pat.
Ben’s Bracket
Match to Watch – #27 Justin Arsenault vs #6 Rob Thomas
If there really is a skeeball god, PLEASE let this potential second round match-up take place [Editor’s Note: if I could fix this bracket, it would be for this match-up!]. Will the “Human Dance Machine” cause enough distraction to pull out a victory? The shit-talking will be on another level in this one.
Bracket Sleeper – Brian Aldridge
In what easily could be the second round match of the day, a heavyweight match-up between Brian and Cory could see the winner of this one give Ben a serious run for his money. Brian is obviously no stranger to raising the HRT trophy, and if he regains his magic no one might be able to slow him down.
Bracket Upset – #27 Justin def. #6 Rob
Book it! (but don’t). Justin’s ego needs this, and Rob’s, well….doesn’t. The loser will never live it down. Their skeeball career will be forever tarnished. A last ball Justin hundo in the tie breaker frame could result in a DANCE RAVE like you’ve never seen (or wanted to see) before. The more I type the more I really don’t know who I’m rooting for. [Editor’s Note: Justin, simple question.]
Bracket Winner – Ben
He’s focused. He’s determined. He gets the winner of Rob/Justin (if it happens). He’s been close before, and he’ll find a way to get there again. On to the Final Four for Ben.
FINAL FOUR
Andrew vs. Lindsay – He’s like Hansel, so hot right now. Lindsay gives it her all, but Andrew gets it done.
Ben vs Pat – These two monsters go at it, but I don’t see anyone stopping Pat. If he doesn’t black out, he pulls it out in the tiebreaker frame.
FINALS
Andrew vs. Pat – The reigning MVSkee vs. the 7-time (?) MVSkee
A hundo battle of epic proportions and this one goes the full 5 frames, but I’m taking Pat to inch out the victory. An all-time finish. Pat wins the HRT!
Good stuff from the ghost writer. If you don’t like the Season 23 High Rollers Report, go out and prove them wrong. Skee you all tomorrow bright and early!