Wednesday Night Predictions

For those new to Skeeball on Wednesday Nights, you’ll begin to hear a lot of elitism coming from your Thursday night compadres. They’ll befriend you over a PBR and secretly snicker behind your backs like you’re a B-team reject. It wasn’t too long ago that we were all one big happy family that were rolling together over some beers and laughing at some zero-roll pushups. Individually we were Tupac and Biggie but together we were The Digital Underground and we were all singing along to the same old song. Then we grew apart – 2 lanes became 3, 3 nights became 2 – and had to choose one side or the other. Loyalties were tested and the rivalry grew.  We saw some high rollers jump ship (looking at you Kelly Egan) and saw some secret mutinies take place (Here for Beer plotting the clandestine kidnap of Scott Sinclair). And here we are today, a partisan posse gunning for each other in a zealous power-play so that we can be called skeeBOSTON’s elite. I’m too competitive to ride the bench so I’m here to say it now, “F%&k Thursday Nights!” We have some ballers on Wednesday night’s that are ready to straight pop a cap in some Thursday ass. Remember when Suge Knight dangled Vanilla Ice over a ledge in order to secure rights to the greatest white rap-anthem about infantile frozen water ever? Well peep this Thursday Night – we’re the Suge Knight to your Robert Van Winkle, except this skeeson…were dropping your ass! And these are the rollers who will do it.

1. MVSkee – So yours truly has taken it 2 straight years and I would like to say I’m taking it again but there’s one team of two players that scare the skee out of me. They came out of nowhere last year to make the final four and were led by two (supposed) rookskees who are set to dominate this skeeson. But I can only pick one so I’m going with Will “The Thrill” McLean from Skeeman Donors (Braveheart F. Skee). This guy came in last year all cool, calm and collected only to turn around and demolish everybody in route to a 2nd place finish in the HRT. He’s the hands-down favorite to stroke the MVSkee trophy come super-Saturday and you can take that to the spermbank!

Top Four:

  1. Will McLean
  2. Chuck Rogers
  3. Lisa Ogawa
  4. Scott Sinclair      

2. Wed night Champions: Again, I hate to admit it but the Balls to the Wall/Here for Beer/Drunky McCeilingStare championship run will come to a screeching halt this year as The Skeeman Donors put it all together after a shocking week 1 loss, and make another run to the finals. They’re long on the lanes and hard from top to bottom and they certainly don’t require any ‘reading materials’ when they make a weekly donation to their championship run.

Final Two:

  1. Skeeman Donors
  2. Drunky McCeilingStares

3. Rookskee of the Year –  Chuck Skee BALLIN’

What the f%$l Chuck? Seriously, there’s only room for one Chuck in Wednesday night and he is I and I is him! But dammit if this other Chuck isn’t killing it on the lanes. Like I might seriously be the 2nd best Chuck now? His Week 1 total of 307 helped bring down my championship pick! What’s even scarier is that the only other person that could steal his rookskee glory is on his own team (Pat). Chuck and his team are definitely on my radar and could sneaky jump up and steal Wednesday nights like the Skeeman Donors did last year.

4. Comeback of the Year – Tim Wheaton

Tim was Skeeson 2’s Rookskee of the year! Then he disappeared for Skeeson 3 (rumor is he spent some time in a Pennsylvania courtroom and wore a ‘Victim 3’ badge…hmmm) but now he’s back and just doing the damned thing like he never stopped.

5. Best uniforms – Nobody except “OMG Beckskee” and “Skeeman Donors” have brought it this year. Word on the lanes is that Sanduskee Slingers have something up their towels, I mean sleeves, and whatever it might be, I do know this much – it will be inappropriate and it will be awesome!

Chuck Schmoopy Pants

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Thursday night predictions:
 
With no repeat Chalice champions yet, the Skeeson IV trophy is totally up for grabs. Despite all the bellyaching I’ve heard over the effects of the moneyball season, one thing our previous winners all have in common is that they play on Thursdays. Sorry Wednesday rollers. You’re good, just not good enough; the Thursday rollers are just a little bit thirstier  – for both PBRs and victory. Thursday league rules, Wednesday league drools. So bring it, Wednesday, cuz it’s already been brought-en.
 
 Having dispensed with the mandatory smack talk, let’s make some wildly unfounded predictions and observations for Thursdays this Skeeson:
 
1. All 3 previous season winners – Boston Skee Party, Cougar Hunters, and D.P., unsurprisingly make it to the finals; Ev and Derek battle it out for high roller. Big whoop. You guys are the Rachel Berrys of this league – We like you and all but quietly and bitterly plot to take you out so the rest of us get a shot at the spotlight.
 
2. Huskees, Lebowskees, and Roofskees are back with a vengeance. Expect these vets to make an appearance in the playoffs at least.
 
3. The ladies take over the lanes. The other noticeable thing about the past champs? All guys. Lamesauce, girls. Maybe we need Alexis to yell like Rose-skee the Riveter to get the ladies leading the pack. Pantskees, No Math, and Cut a bitchskees –  rep it for the ladies this season. You can do it!
 
And lastly, some observations based solely on team names:
  • Chuck Norriskee moves on to the finals, because Chuck Norris never loses.
  • Skeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could be contenders for best uniform, depending on the amount of weapons brought to TGB.
  • Skeesto – expect my team’s dance party to continue all season, or at least me and Anitra. Greg is usually located at the bar, outside, or generally anywhere else but the machines during our matches. You’re killing me Smalls!
  • Skee Willy & Skee Wilikers – I had to double check the schedule to be sure I was reading it right. Confusion reigns all season.
 Skee you on the lanes!
– Rachel
Chuck and Rachel’s Season Predictions
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