Yay Skeeball Yay
[Editor’s Note: Yay Skeeball Yay is the shortened version of what the file name sent to me was. The actual name was Yayayayayayayayskeeballyayayayayay.docx. With a file name that long I wondered if the ghost writer was trying to make up for something… or if they actually brought their A-game. Enjoy!]
Friends and Fellow Skeeballians, as Season 12 comes to a close this week, let’s take a moment to reflect on the most unique season SkeeBOSTON has ever seen. It’s the first skeeson that there can be no Wednesday/Thursday chanting on Super Saturday [Editor’s Note: Says who?… although we will most likely be sticking to Thursday from here on out]. It’s not the first skeeson there can be no Tuesday chanting on Super Saturday. No one has chanted Tuesday in a very long time. It is also the season of the biggest shake up since moneyball; the draft season. Overall, it has been quite a success, with all of the teams having equal chances to do damage on the leader board throughout the season. Some of the top ranking individuals couldn’t get there teams into the playoffs. Some rollers are in their best position ever to win the ultimate chalice on SkeeBowl XII. I am, of course, talking about the “Best Team Name” trophy. With (mostly) all new names, this one is really anyone’s to win. My personal favorite, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter”, is a shoo-in. Not because I have any control over the votes, but because I will pocket the trophies and give them to the team in secret. [Editor’s Note: My person favorite is That’s not my Hundo hole.]
Another trophy that is anyone’s to win is the Team Tournament Trophy. This trophy has been won in the past by some of the league’s best players as well as Polischuk (I humbly accept the Polischuk Smack Talk trophy in advance for the previous statement). This year it really is anyone’s to win. Except the people who did not make the finals. My first prediction is that none of the rollers who did not make the playoffs will win the coveted team trophy. [Editor’s Note: I hope not.]
In our first bracket, or Bracket #1 as some may prefer to call it, our first match-up is #17 Cloudy with a Chance of Skeeballs (which some have rumored is wordplay on “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”) versus #16 Skee You Next Tuesday. Seventh grade math teaches us that in the regular season these teams ended up no more than one ranking apart. This one will be close, but new roller to the league Duke DeVilling surely will not let his team be eliminated before going head to head with Pat Bassett in the next round, so I am going to give the win to Cloudy with a Chance of Skeeballs. They would then move on to face the #1 team Beaskee Boys, who gotta fight… for their right… to hit a foooooooooooooooooooooooooorty. But they likely will. Several of them as well as fifties and hundos and despite Duke putting up a good average (poor kid couldn’t even break 500 in the regular season, though [Editor’s Note:BURN!]), the Beaskee Boys will move on to the final 8. They will play the winner of #9 Rock n’ Rollers and #8 Drinkin’ I Skee A’s. These teams also were separated by no more than 1 spot in the final team tallies for the skeeson. I predict this will be a very close match and come down to the final frame where everyone will have to hit their hundos. Jerry will hit 6 out of 9, but one of his hundos will be the coveted accidental 50, pulling Rock N Rollers into the final 8 against The Beaskee Boys. Rock N Rollers will try and smack talk the #1 seed, but they will all be like aaaaaww, Mom, you’re just jealous, its the Beaskee Boys, and pull ahead to the final 4. [Editor’s Note: I’m predicted a malfunction with the ping pong balls… and when Pat’s team has to change lanes they get buried!]
In our second bracket, or Bracket the 2nd as some may prefer to call it, there is no 6:30pm match. This bracket can all collectively laugh at the blood, sweat, and tears Brackets 1, 3, and 4 have to put in at 6:30pm. Maybe they can have a few PBRs or baskets of french fries. I don’t know, they have an hour to kill, they can figure it out themselves. First up is #4 Who Is Your Daddy and What Does Skee Do versus #13 That’s Not My Hundo Hole. This team comprises of the last remaining Foxon in the skeeball league, lifetime member Bri Guy, and Smash Award Founder and President, Ted. As long as Ted does not attempt to win his own award in this match, I predict the #4 seed will move on. [Editor’s Note: Spencer isn’t around, so he may have to give the award to himself.] Next up is #12 Bad News Bearskees versus #5 Sons of Anarskee. The first team got their name from a movie that was about Walter Mattheu coaching a bunch of lovable misfit little league players. The second team got their name from a tv show about a motorcycle gang where 2/3rds of the cast were brutally killed throughout the show’s progression. I therefore have to go with the Sons of Anarskee moving forward. This then puts #4 Who Is Your Daddy and What Does Skee Do versus #5 Sons of Anarskee. This will be a close one [Editor’s Note: I think every matchup so far you have has started with… this will be a close one!] as Ted, Brian, and Mike take on Robo, Trott, and Amanda. This really is anybody’s guess, as mathematically speaking, these two teams were no more than one rank apart at the end of the season. This is a tough match to call with great players on both teams, but I am going to predict that the team who scores the most points by the end of the last frame will move on. [Editor’s Note:bold prediction #2] That will be #4 Who Is Your Daddy and What Does Skee Do, because we just could not have a playoffs will all the Foxons out of the tournament before the final four, now could we?!
In our third bracket, or the Wicked Awesome Bracket as some might prefer to call it, we are back to having a 6:30pm match: #15 SKKe with two Ks and #18 Beer! I have to admit, I am kind of rooting for Zach, Janelle, and Heather to win the whole shabang as they are the last remaining team that has played together in every skeeson. Also they allegedly named their team after beer. That’s a feat that already makes them a champion. Which is good, because SKKe with two Ks will overcome their spelling disabilities to move forward to a 7:30pm match nearly an hour after their first match begins. They will then play #2 R2-Skee2. So the #2 seed will play the #15 seed. If SkeeNerd, or Lisa as some called her, taught me anything it is that mathematically speaking that is way more than just a one ranking difference. I would like to call a big upset here, but I also want Everett to focus on getting the cupcakes ready for SkeeBowl XII (did that name ever catch on, by the way?) and the newly 30 year old Jan’s 8 hundo round plus one accidental 40 puts the #2 R2Skee2 in the final 8. They will play the winner of #10 Duke Sucks, which is an unnecessary slam on Duke University, comprised of Chuck, Abby, and Wesley and #7 Chefs Chocolate Salty Skeeballs comprised of Max, Greek, and Chen. Greek posted a photo of him and Pedro Martinez this week on Facebook so he will be in the championship spirit. Max has been consistently getting better and Chen can focus on playing as Everett will already be home taking care of the cupcakes, so I predict #7 will move on leaving Duke Sucks an opportunity to reflect on all of the good aspects of Duke University and find inner peace. [Editor’s Note: I hope Chuck reads this. Well said!] But, wait, there is more! I predict a major upset at this point and the #7 seed beating the #2 seed and moving into the final 4. Why do I predict this you may ask? Because I really have not predicted an upset yet, and my predictions are getting boring. [Editor’s Note:I was just thinking that too…] Also, I think Max will step it up and Greek and Chen will be on fire. Everett will also be on fire, but that will be due to a cupcake mishap. All will be good though, he’s a pro.
In our fourth and final bracket (no other acceptable names for this one), we start with #14 Spice-skee Girls versus #19 LBSkees. I do just want to take a moment and address something very serious. Nothing came after the word “Spice” in Spice Girls. So, essentially, this team has just thrown the word skee into the mix for no apparent reason. I therefore suggest the following team names for Skeeson 13 or Skeeson Baker’s Dozen as no one is calling it: En Vogue Skee, Backstreet-skee Boys, Limp Bizkit-skee, Chumbawambaskee, Natalie Imbruglia Skee, Natalie Merchant Skee, and Bittersweet Symphonskee (dammit, that last one works!!!) Anyway, because I just made fun of their name and because they have Stephanie “I Can Hit a Lot of 100s” Burgess leading the charge, they will move forward and face the winner of #3 SkeeFlate Gate and #unranked No One. I predict a huge upset here and the cockiness of not having to face an opponent leaves #3 SkeeFlate Gate with a total score of 0 while I and two surprise guests stealthily roll full 20s on Wednesday and write that score in on Thursday and move forward. What’s that? I cannot do that? OK, then #3 SkeeFlate Gate will face #14 Spice-Skee Girls. Steve Robinson has never won a chalice before and has been playing hard for twelve seasons. He has been a SkeeWee Herman, a Snake on a Lane, and other things before that which I cannot remember. In all that time, he has always been very indifferent about winning the whole thing, but this year I predict he will really want to win and therefore that fire will help advance his team to the final 8. I also predict he will hit 3 combos instead of 50 Streaks by one 40 each time and be really pissed off about it. We then have #11 Boccskee playing #6 The Skee Stooges (side note: my autocorrect is going apeshit crazy at this point over these team names). Despite Scottie Too Hotty putting up solid numbers, I think #11 Boccskee will shock the world and/or the Greatest Bar Floor #3 by squeaking ahead to face #3 SkeeFlate Gate. In that match, I predict #11 Boccskee will give it quite a run, but #3 SkeeFlate Gate will pull ahead in the end to make it to the final 4.
So, those of you still with me (Hi Pinball, Coozie, and Jan!!!), that gives us a final four of #1 The Beaskee Boys v. #4 Who is Your Daddy and What Does Skee Do and #7 Chefs Chocolate Salty Skeeballs v. #3 SkeeFlate Gate [Editor’s Note: At least you picked one upset… cheese and rice]. Great four teams; great twelve rollers; and more importantly, we are on to SuperSaturday, where champions are born and cupcakes are eaten. Where hundos are crucial and dunkin donuts coffee has Bailey’s in it. Where accidental 50s are lucky gems, and PBR swag flows freely. Where legends are made, and bar tabs are ridiculous. So, when all is said and done, who wins? I predict the matches will be close throughout [Editor’s Note: hahahaha you couldn’t resist!], but this is where the pressure gets heavy. I have predicted a final four made up of a lot of people who really do not thrive under pressure. So that’s fun! Pat B, Tim, and Nate have the stats in their favor. Pat B is Pat B and Tim and Nate averaged over 300 (congrats on that gents). Ted, Brian, and Mike are seasoned vets who have all made runs deep into the playoffs multiple times. This is really a tough one to call and is anybody’s game. However, I think after 12 seasons, Brian finally has the combination of a Foxon and the Smash Award founder on his side and they will surprise everybody by squeaking into the final two. Pat B will put up an A game and if Tim and Nate can do the same, they could squeak ahead, but I predict #4 Who is Your Daddy and What Does Skee Do has an on week and moves forward to the final two. And I think they will play #7 Chefs Chocolate Salty Skeeballs. I am putting a lot of faith in Max, Greek, and Chen, but I am going to stand by it. I think they have the best lineup to withstand the pressure of Super Saturday, mixed with solid improvement in the skeeson and seasoned vets.
So our final two, #4 Who Is Your Daddy and What Does Skee Do versus #7 Chefs Chocolate Salty Skeeballs. If this actually happens, its anybody’s game. Mostly the winners, but really anybody’s. This game will come down to the final frame. In fact, it will come down to the final ball. Unfortunately, before anyone can throw it, the cops will raid the place and kick us all out and we will never know who wins. Super anticlimactic, but what are you going to do? We will rock paper scisssors the winner and that will just suck, with the winners feeling unfulfilled and the losers being all kinds of pissed off.
But, assuming the cops just raid the painting class upstairs, I am going to stick with my best handling the pressure theory and crown an unlikely winner in #7 Chefs Chocolate Salty Skeeballs lead by the cool and calm John Greek leading his team to the chalice.
It is also possible that one of the other teams will win. One of those two things will happen and that’s a prediction I will lay my reputation on.
In all seriousness, what a season it has been. Thanks to Duke and Everett for again putting this whole thing together. Remember, one can be sad by being eliminated from the tournament, but it is better to focus on all the fun of the season and the friendships that were made. [Editor’s Note: amen to that!] Also, if you get really, really drunk you have an excellent chance of winning the Smash Award, and that really should be a goal shared by all.
Thanks for reading folks. Have a fun playoffs and a wonderful Super Saturday.