See you Wednesday and remember….sweep the leg! There’s no mercy on the lanes.
Thursday leaguers, I’m going to ignore most of what Chuck wrote for several reasons:
1. We agreed on a different topic that someone (Chuck) was supposed to start writing (Chuck) and send to me (Chuck) but someone (Chuck) “got drunk all weekend instead.” So I’m going rogue this week.
2. Sorrynotsorry no one cares about week 2 stats, especially after season predictions were done last week. Typical Wednesday journalism. Come back to me when the season is at least half over. Also, everyone can read the standings themselves, except for Duke, who we recently discovered attended the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good. But if we have to recap: Previously, at TGB – Cougar Hunters broke 1000 for the second week in a row; Steve/Pat/Yanni need a team name or they’ll be named by Duke, Ev and Derek are in the top individual roller spots, and that’s what you missed on GLEE, er..at Skee! Moving on…
This week I wanna talk about how to find your stride on the lanes and roll like the best. Cougar Hunters, UConn Huskees, and The Boston Skee Party all have two rollers in the top ten currently. Here are some of their skee-crets to a good roll:
Temperature of the Bar: Mike says not too hot, Ev says not too cold, Derek suggests 63 degrees for maximum efficiency. What we can glean from Goldilocks and the Skee Bears here is that no one likes to be handling sweaty balls. Which leads me to my next point:
Skee Fashion: No clear winner to the age old boxers or briefs question, but dressing comfortably is key. You have to look fabulous too, though. Skeeball League has been on TV, so we’re kind of a big deal. Also, on Wednesdays we wear pink.
Intoxication level: On a scale of sober to seeing more than 3 lanes, you want to be loose but not sloppy. I know, that’s what she said. Pace yourself to be buzzed enough to be relaxed, not smashed – at least until after the match. Then anything goes, and often does. $3 PBRs are back, so line ‘em up & drink ‘em down.
Roll Time & Lane Preferences: In true patriot fashion, Ev “The Baker” believes all lanes and roll times were created equal, and the back-to-normal scoring after the moneyball season will prove who the best rollers really are. Let’s be honest, no one likes first or last roll, but we play nice when we must. And of course lefty rollers like being able to get more arm room on the end.
Rolling Style – Up the Middle vs. Banking: The top two say right up the middle. “This isn’t amateur hour,” and “I wonder how many homeruns Barry Bonds would have hit off a T” were some pretty clear feelings on that. Rebuttals, bankers?
Final tips for moving up the ranks? Working out won’t help you in skeeball, unless a) you have to do a lot of pushups every week, in which case you should evaluate your choice of sport, or b) you are Alexis, who does Crossfit so she can leap drunk people in a single bound and parkour onto the machines to snap pictures of you doing said pushups.
It’s time to get skee-rious!