TGB Season 5 High Rollers Report
Full HRT Bracket can been seen here. Due to the size, you will have to zoom in.
[Editor’s Note: Each season I handpick one of the veterans to write the high rollers report. The report is a breakdown of the individual matchups on Super Saturday and its sole purpose is to provide a little entertainment the day before Super Saturday. If they take shots or jabs at you it means they like you, it’s all in good fun. As always, the “ghost-writer” has been granted anonymity. Grab a seat, because this years report is straight gold!]
Welcome my little skeeball friends to the Season 5 HRT report. For the rookies [Editors note: rookskees] out there, this is your time to shine. ANYTHING can happen in this tournament. If you are matched up against a higher seed that should win the match 99 out of 100 times, there is still that 1 time. And that 1 time is all it takes. You don’t have to win the entire tournament, but if you take out one of the Veterans the entire bar will be chanting your name. Chester Copperpot never made it this far. Don’t you guys see, don’t you realize? He was a pro, he never made it this far. Look how far we’ve come. We’ve got a CHANCE!
Right out of the gate two teammates matched up in the 1st round. I hope these guys are rolling on lane one, because Josh takes up two lanes. Just for that I’ll pick Mike in my first upset. Speaking of upsets, I will take Marie every day of the week against Eric. I didn’t even know Eric was on a team this season, is this legit? Aside from those two upsets, I see Barfs and Matt playing each other and Barfs taking it in two frames to move onto the Elite 8.
In the bottom half of the Barf’s bracket we have yet another teammate showdown. The Killer Kowalskees have upped their rolling this season. This match will go 3 with Greek moving onto the next round. Tom will knock out Greek in the next round. When Chris and Pat match up in round two, the bar better be paying attention. I think Chris re-lives last years early exit with a quick loss in 2 frames. SkeeBALLIN’!!. Pat knocks off Tom and move on.
I’m not going to bullsh*t around here, The Shed scares me. Thank god I’m on the opposite side of the bracket 🙂 (or am I?). I’m picking Pat and Allison in small upsets, Shed over Tom, and then Shed over Ian to move on to the Elite 8.
The bottom half of this bracket is tough. Coozy, Brian, Scotty and Sam can all knock down hundos. Three of them will advance, but Brian will still be pissed off about losing the team competition and Chelsey will pounce. Chelsey over Coozy, Sam over Scott, and Sam to move on to the Elite 8.
Joe Dirt Region:
In the top half, all top seeds move on aside from Frank. Erica only let’s Frank out of the house every other weekend and this isn’t one of them. Lindsay moves on with a bye. Jody should get an award for most improved, because she has been enfuego this season. Jody over Lindsay and Everett over Stephanie. Everett beats Jody if he gets lane 3 this round and lucky for him I think he will.
In the bottom half, I’m taking Sean, Chuck, Ashley Taylor in and upset and Joe Dirt. That’s right, Joe just got a nickname, let’s make it stick. Tell me you can’t see this guy rocking a mullet like David Spade? I will take Joe Dirt vs. Chuck, with Joe Dirt moving on in two frames.
The Reeses Pieces Region:
I almost named this Region the Pinball region, but I think Steve will be blacked out by this time in the afternoon. I’m taking all top seeds in both the top and bottom of this region. I like Pinball over Ben and Polischoke over Bobby in the top half and Christina over Andrew and Reeses Pieces over Lisa in the bottom. This bracket will be boring until the 3rd round, then Polischoke will get in Steve’s head and knock him out. Chen will run out of gas and Reeses Pieces will move on.
Elite 8: By now I hope you figured out why I named each bracket the way I did. [Editor’s note: I love the bracket names, clever!]
Barfs vs. Pat – This match will start with a few quacks and end with a bang. Pat won’t be able to stand and Barfs will be on a mission. Barfs takes this in 2 sets. [Editor’s Notes: Don’t sleep on Pat]
Shed vs. Sam – Have I told you The Shed scares me? I think Sam will be scared too. Shed moves on.
Everett vs. Joe Dirt – Joe Dirt slays the giant and moves on.
Polischoke vs. Reeses Pieces – Polischoke can heckle with the best of them, ask Derek, but it won’t matter in this one. Reeses Pieces was made for these tournaments and moves on easily.
Barfs vs. Shed – After Polischoke gets eliminated he will start heckling Derek again. Derek gets distracted and Shed moves on. [Editor’s Note: Polischoke will be heckling Derek in Round 1.]
Joe Dirt vs. Reeses Pieces – Teammates in the final four. This one will be a battle, but Joe Dirt will be too drunk. Reeses Pieces moves on.
Shed vs. Reeses Pieces – Did I tell you I was scared of The Shed? Of course I did, because she is going to knock Reeses Pieces out of his second start HRT Final and become the first female champion.