Chuck and Rachel have volunteered to be skeeBOSTON’s Season IV non-ghost ghost writers. Chuck will be highlighting Wednesday nights and is also going to write a pre-season countdown. Rachel will be highlighting Thursday nights. All write-ups are in good fun (Rookskees: Don’t take it personal). Can’t wait to see what these two have in store for us!
It’s so close I can smell it! The cool autumn breeze laced with a hint of PBR is in the air. It seems ages ago since we last gathered at TGB lanes for everybody’s favorite sport (if trampolining is a sport in the Olympics then this will be called a sport as well) of Skeeball! The Duke and Duchess left us for an extended stay in the Mediterranean, leaving us behind like the forgotten children of a loveless household who had to entertain themselves with hand me down tinker-toys and Play-Doh. But Mommy and Daddy are home and it’s time to play for reals!
Welcome everybody to Skeeson 4!!! It’s time for a changing of the guard. We’ve had enough email and facebook rants from Duke about various musings (Ohio State this, Buckeyes that). And then there was Myskerion who offered up some great stats but terrible nicknames: Fishsticks, Barfs, Schmoopy, etc. So I’ll be your new Ghost Writer for the season. I look forward to bringing you some insight into the daily life of skeeballs elite, positing on weekly matchups & high-rollers and dropping some serious knowledge on you.
Over the next 5 days, leading up to the start of Skeeson 4, I will be bringing you a countdown of the Top 10 All-Time Great Boston Rollers. So look for that on the Boston Skeeball League on Facebook and in your skeemail.
So put your nose to the air and smell that cool hoppy breeze cuz it’s almost here! See you on the lanes!!!
#10 – Thomas Martin
He’s big in stature and big on the lanes. He’s 3rd all-time in Full 40’s, 5th all-time in Full Combo’s and has drank the swill of victory from the Champions Chalice! For all the newbies who might wondering who this demonstrous demon of the lane is…just look up and you’ll find him immediately. Tom has been at the forefront of the Boston Skeeball League as his team, The Boston Skeeball Party, has been rolling through this league from day 1. They were the first champions and still remain the team-to-beat each and every season and Tom is there to anchor the whole thing with his consistant rolling and intimidating presense.
#9 – Stacey Burgess
She’ll warm you with a smile and then destroy you with her roll. She’s been here since the beginning and quickly found comfort in the arms of the hundo. She is 4th all-time in hundos with 174 and doesn’t look to be slowing down anytime soon. Last skeeson she moved to Wednesday nights and fell off her pace a little bit (Season 2 – 94, Season 3 – 80) as she found the competition a little lighter but make no mistake about it – she will back this season to go all Lauren Hill on your ass by killing you softly with her roll.
#8 – Billy Young
After leaving the Army, Billy Young tried to get a marketing job in New York. But without a college degree, this was not possible. He then decided to start studying for a business degree at the local City College and got a part time job as a bartender at TGB, where he once met and fell in love with Elizabeth Shue. Ok, most of that is actually the plot of the 1988 film Cocktail starring Tom Cruise, but there’s no doubt Billy is just as badass in the role of our own Skeeball bartender; he recently did a photo shoot with Jameson for a delicious drink he invented, so get him to autograph a shot glass for you immediately. He’s never hit a hundo nor ever had to do a pushup. Forget Full 40’s, he’s never even hit the 10 hole. He’s not on a team and will never win a trophy or chalice. If Duke and Alexis are our Skeeball Mom & Dad, then Billy is our drunk Uncle – he keeps both the change for the machines and the liquor flowing…and flowing, and with quite a liberal pour, which we can all appreciate. As Chuck mentioned, you guys can drink. We love Billy so much we follow him to his other gig at the Rattlesnake Roofdeck when he’s not at TGB. With him we are lions of the lanes and champions of the chalice! So here’s to you – the reason we show up on a weeknight; the reason we sometimes (often) wake up with headaches the next day; the reason we call ourselves skeeballers. Above all, remember this: TIP YOUR BARTENDER!
#7 – Justin Ries
Justin is captain of Skeeson II Champions Skeed Row turned D.P. (Demonic Ponies?). He is 2nd all-time in hundos with a ridiculous 226. Fun fact – Justin is the first person I ever rolled against. A mini-rivalry (only in my mind) blossomed after I beat him in the 2v2 tourney. Then we met Skeed Row in the finals. We each had a drunk lead-off, a solid 2-hole and it was up to us, the captains of the clean-up, to carry our respective teams. Justin took the challenge and bitch-slapped my soul with each and every roll and hundo after every hundo. He was Benny the Jet rounding the bases and I was Ham Porter. The chalice of Skeeson 2 is forever his and earned him a spot on the all-time top 10. Last years team D.P. (Dilapidated Phallicies?) had a slight sophomore slump but there’s no doubt Justin has them doing 2-a-days in the off season as he readies his squad to take back Thursday nights and have D.P. (Debaucherous Pistachios) drinking from the Chalice once more!
#6 – Brian Aldridge
There’s no lane he can’t solve, no challenge he can’t overcome, no PBR left unturned. He’s the Angela Lansbury to SkeeBoston and we’re just the unwitting miscreants waiting for our blundering capers to be punished. He kills combos (3rd all-time), slays hundos (8th all-time) and dominates Wednesday night malfeasance like Jessica Fletcher at a retirement home Murder She Wrote marathon. Fancy yourself Matlock? Have a stash akin to Magnum P.I.? Then try your hand at Wednesday nights, but be warned – you’ll probably find yourself at the losing end of another episode of Must See TV. And Brian will be standing over you with a snarky one-liner to send you on to your final commercial break.
#5 – Chris Martin
Chris Martin: No relation to Tom, (Or is he? Is there a skeeball gene?!) He’s one-fifth of the band Scarlett Drive, one-third of Team “I Got Roofskeed,” half of the Martin-Smith duo, and one busy guy! Did you catch all that, team No Math? The Boston Skeeball League’s (SkeeBoston’s? Hey Duke, can we get a product placement ruling here?) resident rock star recently opened for Huey Lewis and the News in Omaha, and plays a number of local shows. When he isn’t tearing up the lanes or the stage, he can often be found taking a multitude of sickeningly adorable Facebook pics with teammate/main squeeze/fashion plate Courtney Smith. Don’t let his friendly demeanor fool you; it’s common knowledge you can never trust a man with two first names, so be careful not to get “roofskeed” on the lanes or at his shows!
#4 – Chuck Rogers
Stupid face, stupid nick-name, stupid bank roller…decent skeeballer. In 2 seasons he’s netted: 2 Wed night MVP trophies, 2 full 40 trophies, a full combo trophy, added a full 50 to his resume last year as oh yeah, his team (Heer for Beer) dominates Wednesday night going 16-0 over 2 seasons. He was within 1 point of taking the HRT trophy his rookie season but lost, in an epic match, to a last ball hundo by Ev The Baker (more on him later). He’s a banker and still doesn’t aim for hundos which leaves him out of the upper echelon of rollers. Will he finally befriend the hundo and earn a real trophy one day? Probably not, but at least he’ll keep getting free shots every super Saturday!
#3 – Frank Davoli
A man of many names, Frank “The Tank” was born Franco Fortunato Davoli, Jr., the most Italian name I’ve heard that doesn’t belong to a character on Boardwalk Empire. Fun fact: he also speaks Italian, so we’ll be looking forward to a lesson on key curse words soon! This Italian Stallion has been rolling at TGB since Skeeson I as part of Team Skeebiscuit, completing their uniforms with ponies. The 3rd Skeeson saw the introduction of teammate Jenn “The Shed” Foxon, and Team Skeebiscuit became Monkey Skee, Monkey Do. Skeeson IV will see yet more changes, with The Shed hanging up her monkey PJ’s for a different team, and the Monkey Skee name up for discussion. When he’s not skeeing, teammate-slash-girlfriend Erica Baker tells me Frank buys wine for BJ’s…the Wholesale Club, that is…but I’ll leave that open to interpretation since we all enjoy some good sexual innuendo. This straight-down-the-middle roller puts up scores as high as he once cuffed up those Monkey pants, and has no problems rolling over the competition in true Tank style.
#2 – Everett Phillips
Skeeball and Cupcakes! No, that’s not the new Carly Rae Jepsen album; it’s the legend that is Everett “The Baker” in a nutshell. It’s what he does and it’s what he does better than anybody else (almost). When he’s not busy coating your palates with delectable goodness, you’ll find him at The Greatest Bar cooking up the lanes with a fervent mixture of Full 40’s (1st all-time) with a dash of hundos (1st Skeeson III, 11th all-time). Ok, enough with the culinary references – Ev is a straight beast on the lanes! His mantle is rife with a MVskee trophy, a Championship Chalice, numerous Full-40 trophies and about 8 blue ribbons that he won in Elementary intramurals as part of the #1 Worm Relay team of all-time in the Under-10 division! He might be #2 on our list but 1-on-1 this is THE roller to beat. While pictured holding tiny red balls, it will be you leaving the lane with blue balls after another crushing defeat. Trust me…I’ve been there.
#1 – Derek Morgan
You may know him better as either “Beers” or much to his chagrin, “Barfs” Morgan. He enters skeeson IV as the all-time points leader, all-time hundo leader, current holder of BOTH the Chalice and the HRT trophy and is just all around redonkulous. Among the first to arrive and last to leave each week, Derek can also be found contributing to the DeVilling College Fund on off nights & in-between seasons, keeping his rolling arm and drinking boots competition-ready. We may need to stage a skeeball intervention at some point. The Top Ranked player is hunting more than Cougars this season with plans in the works to compete in this year’s Super Roll, a national skeeball tournament only open to previous chalice or high-roller tourney winners (Oh he fancy), so bring your A-game to the lanes if you want to win! But really, you don’t have a chance in hell…even if he his barfing everywhere.
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