Season 13 High Rollers Report
[Editor’s Note: Each season I handpick one of the veterans to write the High Rollers Report. The report is a breakdown of the individual matchups on Super Saturday and its sole purpose is to provide a little entertainment the day before. If he/she takes shots or jabs at you it means they like you, it’s all in good fun. As always, the guest writer has been granted anonymity. So without further ado, I bring to you the Season 13 High Rollers Report.]
Is it me or did this season fly by?
It only seemed like yesterday that we were just starting this skeeson with seemingly everyone getting their prospective teams back together after the Skeeson XII draft blew things wide open. Whether it was the comfort of old teams or people practicing a lot, people found their groove and put together some absurd scores. Seven people averaged 400 with two more a couple bad frames off the mark (Good job, good effort Ev and Ben!)[Editor’s Note: I’ve never seen that before… good stuff and shots fired!] Now we’re ticking away the hours and minutes for Super Saturday XIII and Duke has left it up to me to figure out who is coming out on top in the High Roller Tournament.
Part of me wants to just not even bother since Alan Bassett is averaging 469.5 and playing out of his mind….but then I looked at the bracket. And then I realize he’s gone two straight seasons of rolling a zero at the worst possible time and that I’d put good money on the fact he’d do it again.
So I’ll say this: Don’t let the ranks fool you, skeeBOSTON! If you can find your 40 and nail a well time last ball hundo, you’ve got a pretty good shot at walking away the winner. Without further ado: the HRT Picks [Editor’s Note: that’s my line].
Instead of analyzing the bracket and give typical predictions: I decided to hand our awards in each bracket. (No these don’t come with shots. Sorry.)
The Pat Who? Bracket
The Shit Out of Luck Award: Everett Phillips. He’s probably got the worst road to the HRT. Possible matchups between Jan, Eric or Ben, and then Alan. Plus he might have already used all his luck pulling a 50 out of his ass to advance to Super Saturday. The odds of him getting out of this bracket aren’t looking good.
The Get Your Popcorn Ready Match: Everett vs Jan in the second round will be great in entertainment value. Jan won the Polischoke award for trash talking for her virtuoso performance of “F*** You”. I’m expecting more from her and while she probably won’t advance, I like her odds of being a two-time Polischoke winner.
The Do You Believe in Miracles Award: Alan vs Brady or Jamie. I’m not saying that it’s impossible but let me paint this picture for you:: I see Jamie advancing to play Alan and I expect her to just not get as worked up as she normally gets thinking she has no shot. I can see Alan totally overlooking her and throw some low scores and with a relaxed Jamie, wins the first round and then puts up a 72 that Pat misses… by throwing a zero. [Editor’s Note: LOL]
The Bracket Breaker Award: Eric Siegel. Duke is always saying to never count him out and Duke knows skeeball. If you’re in the pool and pull #25, you may be walking away with some cash. [Editor’s Note: FACT!]
The Crowd Favorite: Robyn Fitzpatrick. She had the best Cinderella run in HRT history when she made it the finals and you’d be stupid to underestimate her just because you see the #40 next to her name. When she’s on, she’s as good as anyone in SkeeBOSTON.
Who Should Advance: It’s between Alan or Ev and with the way Alan’s rolling, you’d go with Alan.
The Last Two Standing: Alan vs Ben. As much as I’ve ragged on him, Alan is averaging a 469. The man is absurd.
Who Will Advance: But that’s as far as he’s going. Ben found his groove at the right time, can hit hundos as good as anyone in SkeeBoston, and can go toe-to-toe with the former HRT champs and he’s probably got a chip on his shoulder after getting upset in the team tournament. I like him coming out on this one. [Editor’s Note: Like the pick. Ben’s been hot lately. Tough bracket though.]
The Devin’s Quality Advice Bracket
The Shit Out of Luck Award: Christina Cusolito. Poor Coozie. She was at her peak two skeesons ago averaging a 370 but not only has her average dropped over 50 points, she’s now fighting to keep her spot as the #2 Christina. (Chen is the clear #1. Cupcakes >>> everything). By the end of SS XIII, she may be the #3 Christina. Damn. [Editor’s Note: yikes didn’t even think of that!]
The Get Your Popcorn Ready Match: John Dawson vs Tim Decker There’s no hoping for this match. This is going to happen and it needs to be played on Lane 1. Tempers will flare, profanities will be shouted, phones may get destroyed. And we all be there watching like this. [Editor’s Note: As funny as this match-up looks on paper, I think Tim is out for SSXIII.]
The Do You Believe in Miracles Award: Devin vs Christina Salvucci. These second round matchups are all so juicy because they all have a chance of going down. I can see the newly ranked #2 Christina taking it to Devin. He might be too busy trying to give everyone advice on how to roll to notice he just got his ass handed to him.
The Bracket Breaker Award: Michael Pagnotta He’s only been around for two skeesons but he’s already put up some solid numbers. If he advances a few rounds I can easily see some of the desperate veterans come up to him and talk about Skeeson XIV. [Editor’s Note: Love this pick. Dude has been practicing in Foxwoods all week. True story.]
The Crowd Favorite: Smash. I mean come on. I’m excited to see what Smash will do this Super Saturday. Roll on the wrong lane? Fall on the lane? Sacrifice a live chicken so Jobu can grant him the power to hit hundos? All is in play.
Who Should Advance: Scott Sinclair He’s the cerebral assassin when coming up on the lanes. He has a Rainman like tendency to make the mid roll adjustment to just beat you by 10. When he’s rolling, be sure to check it out, you may even see the number whizzing by his head.
Last Two Standing: Pagnotta vs Scottie Too Hottie
Who Will Advance: Scottie. He’s been down this road before and he’s too good.
The non-Alan MVSkee Bracket
The Shit Out of Luck Award: Pinball Robinson. Remember when I said Everett had the toughest road to win the HRT? I take that back. Looking at his likely options and it doesn’t look good. I don’t want to count Pinball out but I feel pretty confident that he won’t be the first three-time HRT winner after Saturday.
The Get Your Popcorn Ready Match: Mike Foxon vs Paul Ciaramicoli. I’m hoping that Paul is there on Saturday because if so this will be a great matchup to see. Mike has gone on to win a chalice without his sister and brother in law but Paul is the only one out of the three to win an HRT.
The Do You Believe in Miracles Award: Cory Magno vs Steve Robinson. This potential second round matchup has all the makings of a trap game. The soon to be dubbed rookie of the year is a solid up the middle roller and during Thurskee Thursday’s record breaking 1256 on Week 8, put up 20 hundos after not attempting them all season. Hmm. I’m intrigued. [Editor’s Note: I’m calling shenanigans.]
The Bracket Breaker Award: Marissa Bias. She’s been sneaky good after last season’s playoff run. She’s found her 40 and her hundo. She also increased her average by 50 points from last year. She’s also worthy of a Ðo You Believe in Miracles award with her potential battle against Nick Weir. So much sneaky good in this bracket.
The Crowd Favorite: Tom Siemaszko. He’ll be more of a favorite with the veterans but after taking five skeesons off, he’s getting hot at the right time, getting over 300 in his last four weeks and had a pretty good roll in the playoffs as well. And for him to take out two of the Foxon clan in back to back matches would definitely get the crowd in his favor.
Who Should Advance: Nick Weir or Joe Stromer: Nick’s been rolling out of his mind. Can hit 50s pretty easily AND get the hundo. There’s a reason he’s the #3 seed. Meanwhile Joe’s a former #1 seed and rolled out of his mind in his last matchup. If he finds his 50…look out.
The Last Two Standing: Having said all that, going with the top guys is BORING. [Editor’s Note: Want to write again next season!? Love these upsets!] Weir’s not making it out. Neither is Stromer. Nor Pinball. Nor Robo. Nor Plumber either. Gonna go out on a limb and say Mike Foxon and Cory Magno will faceoff.
Who Will Advance: And I’m taking the rookskee Cory to come out on top. Hey Duke, YOU LIKE THAT?
The Chris Martin Somehow Keeps Winning with Polischoke on his Team Bracket [Editor’s Note: hahaha]
The Shit Out of Luck Award: Max Sabato. Good News: the winner of Courtney & Max are getting a bye straight to the Sweet 16. Bad News: Max wilts when the games matter. Unless he can find a way to trick himself into thinking his rolls won’t count, he’s out in the first round.
The Get Your Popcorn Ready Match: This will be a reach as it’ll be for the right to go to the Final Four but the potential of a battle between a husband and wife is too good to pass up. Chris vs Courtney Martin would make for a riveting match. Chris has yet to get a chalice and Courtney has what it takes to be the first lady to win it all.
The Do You Believe in Miracles Award: Stephanie Burgess vs David Cabrera David has an up and down game but if he’s on fire and on the right lane…. Steph is in trouble.
The Bracket Breaker Award: Wesley Luo In a bracket dominated by some of the best lady rollers in SkeeBoston, Wes can can be a bit of a lady killer in the first three rounds could make some noise.
The Crowd Favorite: Jenn Foxon Ciaramiccoli. She may not be able to play but if she’s in the building Saturday she should get the biggest ovation of the day. We’re all glad to hear that you’re doing OK and I’m fairly confident that an HRT will be yours soon. Til then you can just stare at Paul’s trophy that’s probably the centerpiece in the Ciaramicoli household.
Who Should Advance: Chris Martin. Just another guy who can roll a 500 and dominate.
The Last Two Standing: But yet he won’t be there. Eric Mendes and his flamingo stance will take out Chris and face Courtney Martin.
Who Will Advance: Eric Mendes. Fear the Flamingo. [Editor’s Note: I like the pick, but how many Super Saturday’s has he showed up to? Not many. I’ll take Chris. This is the year he makes a run.]
Semi Finals: Ben Fountain vs Scott Sinclair. This will be a battle for sure and I expect to go the full five frames. I want to take Ben but Scottie is too damn diabolical. Seriously, he looks like he’s ready to steal the money out of your 401K without you knowing [Editor’s Note: LOL!]. HRT is his thing and he’ll have a chance to join the multiple HRT winners.
Eric Mendes vs Cory Magno Eric is probably feeling high right now but he’s a little too inconsistent in the middle for me to take him in five frames. The rookskee moves on.
Finals Scott vs Cory The way these two roll is pretty close and Cory would be the one to challenge for Scott’s precious combo record, He’s that good up the middle. And in a skeeson in which Scottie played with two rookskees, he gets taken out by one. Cory in four frames.
That’s right folks. A rookskee is going to beat all of you. [Editor’s Note: HAHAHAHA if this happens you can play skeeball for free the rest of your life.]
How do you feel vets? Fired up yet? GOOD. Go roll the game of your lives on Saturday and prove me wrong. ANYONE CAN WIN. Why not you? Good luck and skee you on the lanes!